ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nicole Lawrence is a graduate of Central State University a HBCU in Wilberforce, Ohio. She is a beauty/ fashion/relationship blogger and enjoys the art of literature. She write what she feels and she is completely unapologetic about it.  She is also a published author alongside her husband Richard Lawrence.

As I get older my thoughts become clearer. I totally understand a person being proud of their achievements, but when does pride become arrogance?

As a graduate of a HBCU, I don’t have the perception that many women I have encountered do. You know the perception I’m referring to right? Oh, well let me elaborate; the perception that there are no good black men around. No educated black men who still want to date black women. No black men that know when to wear a suit and hold the door for a lady. No black men that know to stand when a woman enters the room, or remove their hat when they enter a building. That is not my perception. As a proud HBCU Alum I sat in courses with these men. I listened to them discuss their hopes and dreams, accompanied by detailed blueprints on how to get there. I watched them stroll around campus in their suits and ties on business Wednesdays. More importantly I watched them walk across that stage with tears in their eyes as the accepted their degrees, blowing a kiss to their momma's and waving at their fathers, with their heads high, humbly praising God because they did it. They did what many in society told them they couldn’t and some of their wayward homeboys from the hood told them they shouldn’t. Then I messed around and married one and the perception that I was told I was naive to had become reality. Well, now that I have big up’d these brothas’ let me have a “real talk" session with my sistas’.

STOP

Stop using that same degree you earned against our brothers and sisters who didn’t; it makes you nothing more and it makes them nothing less. Furthermore stop going around thrashing your “educated opinions" on everyone like God made you his only begotten. I see so many women belittle and degrade a man just because she feels she is a, “strong black woman.” There is more to being a strong black woman than deciding to a wear a perm or go natural. Paying your own bills doesn’t make you a strong independent black woman; honey it makes you an adult. Rolling your neck and smacking your lips every time you believe you’ve made a valid point makes you annoying. Telling a man that he is not good enough or does not have enough to be with you, makes you self-righteous. Carrying assumptions about people you’ve never taken the time to converse with, makes you an ass. Competing with other women when you are not an athlete, makes you insecure. Being pretty should only make you thankful to your parents. Doing all of these things on a regular basis and labeling it “strong” is foolish. Focusing too much on what you are and what he’s not may contribute in largely to why you're single.

I am a strong black woman because I said so. I am educated, not because of college, but because I’ve never stopped learning from life and other people. I don’t care if you wear a perm or go natural or if your complexion is light or dark because I am confident in me and my beauty; and I see yours even if you don’t. I work because I enjoy it. I don’t compete because I know that what God has for me shall be. I am strong because I am complex. I read and write, watch reality TV, love my tool belt, lipstick, blush, nail polish, coloring books and puzzles. I shop at Saks, Dots and anything in between. I make corny jokes and political statements. I love my bamboo earrings and my pearls. I always let my husband pay when we’re in public because I know it all comes out our joint account and I vowed to always make him feel like a man. I thank him when he opens the door because after seven years he still takes time and does it; I know there are women who won’t experience that after dating seven men, so I appreciate him and all that makes him special to me. I am strong because of all of these things and none of theses things. I AM STRONG BECAUSE I CAN ADMIT THAT I AM WEAK.

I am weak when I forget to pray in the morning, I am weak when I don’t rest for hours at a time, I am weak when I watch the news and hear about babies being slain or unarmed black men being murdered. I am weak when I break my diet, when I curl in a ball because the glory of being a woman has resided in my body for the next seven days. I am weak when I hear a good love or gospel song. I am weak when that man of mine kisses me, says “I love you and your breakfast is ready!” I am weak when my friends and family are hurting. I am strong because I know when I am weak and I embrace it fully. I am as strong as my greatest support system so I am never foolish enough to believe I am a strong black woman that does it all on her own.